Wiggling his bottom like a girl. Kept saying ‘Oh, Nan!’ which really annoyed me. Sorry would have been more appropriate.” “Yes, indeed but I bet he was feeling really sorry for himself by the time you’d finished!” “Yes, I think so. He’s certainly minding his behaviour now.” “So I guess this was all on his bare bottom.” “Oh yes. Bare bottom. It’s a nice bottom, I must say. Anyway, I could hardly ask him to put his Y-fronts back on for the caning, could I? That would have been strange. His bottom was already bare. It’s a nice big penis he’s got, too. He’ll make a lucky girl very happy one day.” “Mum, you really are incorrigible!” “Maybe, but you two have been too soft on him over the years. His bottom has been long overdue for some harsh treatment. That’s what comes from sending him to that trendy school, I suppose.” “Oh mother, let’s not go over that again!” “Run by hippies.” “Mum! Please, no more! We may have made mistakes. But Paul is generally a good lad, and passed his. ”“Like what, sweetheart?” challenged Gus.“Wouldn’t you like to know, lover boy?” said Judy in an assertive voice that effectively killed the likelihood of anything between them resembling romance. “Just enjoy a World Class Tijuana toke while it’s going free and don’t fucking Bogart the joint, boys.”It was as apparent to me then as it has been subsequently to Polly Tarantella that the preparation for the Penitence Club gig was much more in Judy’s control than it was Crystal’s. On this occasion, Judy Dildo was effectively band leader while Crystal was relegated to chief song-writer and lead vocalist. She didn’t have the spirit to resist Judy’s coup d’état. In any case, Crystal had no alternative to offer. And this seizure of authority, more than any other, is what most riles Polly about Judy. She even speculates that had matters turned out differently, Crystal Passion would have been side-lined from her own band and that it would in effect become the Judy Dildo band. But bizarrely.
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